Knowing Your Values Can Help In Choosing Right Career

 Values are ingrained very deep for each of us. It is because of our values that we decide whether to help someone or not, whether to cheat or not, whether to go by fair means or unfair means and likewise. 

Since we are not aware of our values, we often suffer from indecisiveness and get influenced by others easily. Many times when we do make decisions we are fraught with fear and unease because we are not aware why we have made those decisions. Making a career choice is one such decision that we often take under the influence of peer pressure, popularity trend or glamour. Many people live to regret their decision because though we may eventually make good money, if the demands of the career do not match with our values, We cannot feel the connection with our work leading to dissatisfaction. 

Thus it is very essential to spend some time to know ourselves and our values. Value is defined as one's principles, priorities or standards. It is the silent energy behind your definitions of right or wrong, good or bad, yes or no, now or later, fun or commitment and so on.

Here is a short exercise to help you understand what constitutes “values” and what can be some of your values. A sincere attempt at this exercise would help you connect with yourself and make career and other decisions with more confidence and independently.

EXERCISE: Listed below are a number of work-related values and their short description. Give a number from 0 to 10 to each of these according to their importance for you (0=no importance and 10=great importance).

___ Prestige: Being well-known and prominent

___ Responsibility: wanting to look dependable to others 

___ Adventure: Taking risks

___ Independence: Acting on your own, freedom

___ Challenge: Enjoying difficult tasks and problems

___ Creativity: Trying to do things in a new ways

___ Accomplishment: Wanting to excel and achieve

___ Variety: Wanting and enjoying change

___ Security: Wanting a comfortable/predictable future 

___ Power and authority: Taking leadership, being in charge

___ Money: Liking material possessions

___ Integrity: Behaving consistently with own beliefs, Fulfilling promises

___ Altruism: Helping people/ society/ Animals

___ Honesty: Valuing truthful interactions

___ Artistic expression: Caring about beauty and harmony

___ Leisure: Having time for hobbies and recreation

___ Health: Having a balanced lifestyle

___ Others:

Look over your list and circle your five highest marked values. A combination of the 5 values will be an indication of certain professions that would be good for you For instance a combination of prestige, challenge, Responsibility, Power and authority and Security may be values that can be realized through being a civil servant ( IAS,IPS, IFS, IRS).

Now List your ideas for careers that may fit with your most important values:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

This is the beginning. Once you have done all other self analysis activities, you may be able to confidently select one or two careers that would be best for you.

What is a Career?

 As language evolves, many words come to take the more popular meaning or rather the meaning of convenience. However over the period the words may lose their depth and come to mean very little to us. The origin of words usually has much deeper meaning and knowing it can enrich us in so many ways.

‘Career’ is one such word that has lost its real value in the transition. For most of us a career means a profession or line of study or work. Nothing wrong in this meaning but it is incomplete in many ways.

Career is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary  as a person's "course or progress through life. It can also pertain to an occupation or a profession that usually involves special training or formal education and is considered to be a person’s lifework Even the origin of the word ‘career’ is traced back to Latin carrus  meaning 'wheeled vehicle' that basically symbolizes journey and progress.

Thus career is all about the progress in life. When we take into consideration only the study and profession aspect of career we develop a warped view towards it. Our focus stills on the options presented to us by society and our decisions based on the acquiring of degrees and bagging a source of earning.

In reality, choosing a university course only is one step towards the journey of life, which is vast. 

Most people choose a university degree that seems to be giving them a much accepted professional status and guaranteed income. While zeroing on the course we tend to neglect the most important aspect of choosing the career, the very question: Why do I want to take up a career? While the apparent answer may seem to be about earning a livelihood, if we take a few minutes and ask ourselves another Why? The answer could be easily traced to: I want to be happy! 

Where does happiness come from? It comes from inner satisfaction, a sense of contentment. We very well know that money alone cannot guarantee that contentment. So isn’t it worth the while to consider this inner satisfaction while choosing our career?

Now our satisfaction is based on many parameters like where we work, where we live, who do we associate with, what is the nature of our work, what are our work hours, what challenges the work has for us, do we enjoy our work, does it align with our life goal, does it give us the opportunities to travel, to grow, to be creative, to invent, to serve, to solve, to change and so many other needs that we have apart from making money?

Choosing a career thus is not just about knowing the employability of that study course. It is about knowing who you are, what you want, what it can give you and what you live for. It is a process of exploration. You need to explore yourself and explore the range of career options and then match the career to your needs. 

Understand what is Gaslighting in a relationship

Have you ever experienced or witnessed a relationship where one of the partners consistently keeps the other partner in a confused state? They may be either cheating or doing things behind their partners back that is not acceptable. But when the partner finds out and confronts, these people raise their voice and twist the facts with such smartness that the accusing partner starts doubting himself. They may have proof and they would be logically convinced that their partner is up to no good, but every time they attempt to take it up, their partner makes them believe that either they are delusional or simply imagining things that are not there. 

Gaslighting- A very common phenomenon in relationships. Many of us experience it but the operators are so smooth that it takes us a long time to understand, if we do, that there is something majorly wrong here. 

The Gaslighting partner is generally up to no good but their intention is to keep their partner under control so that they can feel powerful. They are so skilled in their deception that they may even involve other people and try to get them to say that they are not wrong and that their partner is unnecessarily reacting.

The gaslighting partner may have some serious psychological effect on their partner in making them believe that they are mentally unstable and need psychological help.

However when the victim partner does understand and wants to get out of the relationship, the Gaslighting partner may suddenly become all nice and loving and cry to get attention, profess about their love, even getting gifts and flowers to lure their partner often making false promises. However, once the partner is back with them they soon go back to their old ways. 

In the process the victim partners often remain confused and full of self –doubt. They may develop severely low self- esteem, may be perceived by friends as always complaining or confused and may develop psychological issues like anxiety, panic and even depression.

It is very important to recognize this phenomenon in our relationship or with others around us as the long term effects can be disastrous. If you are in one such relationship you will need help to get out of it because your partner is not going to let you move away with ease as they need you to feel powerful and in control.

See a counselor, get help. You deserve a better life and better relationship.

 

If you believe this can help someone, do share. To connect with Dr. Sapna Sharma for Relationship Counseling WhatsApp on 8446229088 from wherever you are in the world.