Boys and girls are getting into relationships at a very young age. Among marriages, live-ins, committed relationships and Casual hook ups almost everyone seems to be in some kind of relationship or other. But the last decade has been seeing a very interesting phenomenon along with all these relationships.
So we are modern people and we believe friendships with the opposite gender is a norm that needs to be easily accepted. What we are deliberately trying not to see are the multitude of complications arising out of this so called ‘modern’ outlook.
Common observation: Two people are in a relationship and one or both of them believe in being close friends with one or more people of the opposite gender. Looks good so far. But since they are in a relationship or married, they consider themselves to be in a ‘SAFE’ zone. Practically meaning they or their friend cannot get physically or emotionally attracted towards each other. And so they spend time together- in person and on digital media. The need to share with each other goes on increasing and so does the desire to spend time with each other.
Unfortunately very few of these friendships remain friendships. Eventually some kind of attraction and dependence develops. This is especially because the relationship with the spouse or the lover has gone from romantic to routine. They have stopped saying all the lovey-dovey things to each other and there is hardly any need felt to appreciate the other. The practicality of life has taken over and one can no more feel the ‘butterflies’ when together.
But the relationship with the ‘close friend’ is still beyond the demands of life. So there is sharing and talking and appreciating and that feels good. That actually feels very good. And that is when the trouble starts.
The partner starts feeling discomfort with the closeness of their partner with the friend. When confronted, the defensive partner resorts to name- calling and blame the partner to be ‘narrow minded’. These episodes are then shared with the ‘friend’ with an obvious portrayal of self as a victim. The ‘friend’ obviously supports. And Very sadly the partner starts to appear like the controlling villain.
We are all seeing this around us and many of us are playing one of the three parts described above. The question is, ‘is it so difficult to understand that modernization has nothing to do with the male- female chemistry?’ It is nature and nature have specific reasons for having created the two genders. They are meant to attract. And a long association between is known to build attraction, even between the same sexes.
People complain that relationships do not last as they used to. We can see the reason why. When there is already an alternative present to share and feel good with, we give up on relationships too early and whenever possible jump to the next simpler appearing option.
If we are looking for loving, long- term relationships we need to invest more in our intimate relationships than focusing on building social circles.
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