We all siblings would create some issue or other for our parents to handle. Of course, we didn’t mean it that way. We just thought we were very smart!! To our parents, that would simply spell as Trouble with a capital ‘T’. But my father would often discuss those issues with people around- friends, family, colleagues. Frankly to me it simply meant embarrassment. “Why can’t he keep the family matters to the family?” but he grew stronger every day.
Years later as I sit in my office counselling distressed families and couples and parents, one thing that strikes me is that they all want their troubles and problems to be buried inside my chamber. Often I hear this, “We don’t share our problems with anyone. They would only make fun of my child… anyway my brother in law thinks very high of himself”
No wonder we are stressed and under tremendous pressure to appear good and ideal in every way. We can’t share. As a generation, we are obsessed with creating an ideal pictures of us and our families. A task that is almost next to impossible. We would have flaws till such time that we are still humans. But we do not wish to accept that.
I meet beautiful looking people, some with wealth overflowing and others with degrees and certificates that cannot be accommodated on one wall. And they are stressed. Almost breaking inside every moment in a desperate attempt to hold their masks of ‘perfection’ in place. They fight among themselves and abuse their challenging children but then they put on their masks with wide smiles to the outside world. We show this photo-shopped picture to not just the random world but to our closest family and friends. We cannot accept that things can be wrong with us.
We as a generation are expending huge energy on hiding our pain and trying to prove to the world that there is nothing wrong with us. Hence we can’t even ask for solutions. Try sharing for once. Try asking for help. You may not get an immediate solution but the moment you share half your burden is taken care of. You may cry while sharing and that takes care of some more of your stress. And now you have one more head and 2 more hands to help sort out your troubles. If not anything there is one place you can be yourself, not pretend to be perfect and enjoy a genuine smile or tear.
Life would continue to offer challenges, children would fall in love and spouses would cheat. Bosses may be partial and we might be cheated on. But that is life. Why feel ashamed? You are not the only on in this world to face it. Try sharing and you would be better equipped to face it without unnecessary stress of pretending to be perfect.