In olden times there used to be common meeting places in villages where people used to congregate at the end of the day. Lifestyles were simple. Do your work in the day- light, spend evening in community connection and then retire early as darkness sets in. No digital media left no reason for people to be holed in their individual houses and thus everyone felt connected to each other, to the community and no one felt left out.
Today we may have gained a lot in terms of money, status, possessions and more but we have lost touch with real people. We have too many reasons for not connecting with people around us. So much so, that we are confused about the fact that each one of us needs to feel wanted, needed, appreciated and missed.
We have created walls around us. For this reason or that we hide behind these walls. But then how can we overcome the basic human needs of wanting to be loved, needed and appreciated? This is the confusion the dilemma that is leading big time to the Fear of Missing Out, popularly known as FOMO.
The effect of this fear is far reaching. We are all almost glued to our mobile devices and our social media. So much wanting to call others but for some abstract reason, not willing to take the initiative, yet wanting to be there, and so desperately checking our screens every few minutes to see if someone has remembered us, messaged us, pinged us… anything… anyone…
We want to be appreciated but we do not want to appreciate. We want to be the best or at least better but hardly a few actually stick their neck out there to go the extra mile. But that inherent need is there. Always goading us from inside. So we post something… anything and forward posts and we wait to see how many likes and hearts we get. Interestingly when we get a ‘like’ for a forwarded post, we feel proud as if that post was created by us!
Notice that anyone trying to do some serious activity – study or research or work, a small ‘ping’ on the phone gets us to jump up and check that message then and there. We can see it later. It is not an emergency and we know it but I need to be there, with whatever is happening in the world… ‘what if I do not reply to a friend's message soon? They may not involve me again…’ that fear… it is just there all around.
FOMO is the disease of this era. It is because while disconnecting from real people, we disconnect from ourselves too. Most of us are not happy to be with our own selves. Most of us do not wish to invest in real meaningful relationships with people, hobbies, activities. But we want to be included… by others. When we put the responsibility of our happiness, entertainment and basically survival on others, we forget that unless we can make ourselves feel good, loved and entertained, no one else can do that.
A healthy relationship with ourselves is where we need to start to get over this terrible disease. We need to spend happy time with ourselves and for that we need to know ourselves well… We cannot have a good friendship with anyone unless we know them, so how can we enjoy our own company unless we know ourselves well?
Know yourself. Be your own best friend. Do interesting activities with yourself. Then connect with others, real people. Love yourself so that you are not dependent on others to love you. Appreciate yourself often so that the want of appreciation does not keep you hanging by someone else’s words. When you will have your own company even when others are not there, that’s when Fear of Missing out will disappear.
If you believe this can help someone, do share. To connect with Dr. Sapna Sharma for Personal Counseling WhatsApp on 8446229088 from wherever you are in the world.
