TOUGH LOVE Article by Dr.Sapna Sharma

All parents love their children, but does our love help them prepare for a healthy and confident survival in the real world OR Does it only give us a satisfaction that we did everything best for them? Sometimes both the things might mean the same but not every time. Consider the following example:

When the child habitually throws his uniform around and is never able to find his things at the proper place and on time- After repeated warnings and guidance, continued intervention by the parent to arrange his things and ensure a clean uniform for him is a self-indulgent form of love which is further making the child careless, dependent and irresponsible and in turn taking him one step further from responsible independent living. Tough love in this case would either set and follow strict rules, or let the child go about in dirty uniform, missing school box or incomplete notebooks and letting him face the consequences thus learning the very important lesson of “Cause-Effect Relationship” that would go a long way in life.

We get many such opportunities to help the children learn the importance of essential survival practices like self- discipline, neatness, responsible behaviour etc.

True love is ‘Tough Love” that lets the child learn early even though it may appear to the parent of being “harsh” or “unloving”.

The primary responsibility of the parent is to help the child learn the ways of the world and the best and healthiest survival practices. Indulging the child with expensive school, branded footwear, expensive gadgets and luxurious trips are not the parameters of love. These are activities that we indulge in to satisfy our need to be able to give the best to the child and manya times even to show to the world what we can provide.

Regular and consistent showering of unconditionallove with a dash of tough love would save us from the use of harsh punishments and would largely prevent the setting of depression, rebellion and disconnection so commonly seen among kids and the youth today.

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FORTUNATE or DOOMED article by Dr.Sapna Sharma

FORTUNATE or DOOMED article by Dr.Sapna Sharma

“You are very fortunate to get to do what you want. I never had that freedom. My parents never allowed. There was no support. Had they been supportive I would have been someone different.”

No sir - I was not fortunate. I grew up like you. Was told to take up science when I wished for humanities, Medicine instead of Home science… and when finally I decided to quit an established Surgical Practice in favor of what I am doing today - everyone, those close at home and the not so close, all without exceptions told me, “you are out of your mind. No one quits a medical profession for something as vague as counseling. You will end up losing it all.”

But finally I got the chance to make my choice- and I chose what I knew after a good amount of research to be the ‘thing’ for me. Path was not easy of course as what I do today had no existence or acceptance in this part of the world. But today when I do look like a success this is what they say to me, “You are very fortunate to…”

Go back and check on your life. Did you never have a choice or an option? Do you feel you have options today? “It is so difficult. There are demands on my time you know. I need to earn or take care of a family etc. etc. …” It still amazes me every time I hear it!! Who doesn’t have demands on their time? Who is free of responsibilities? I had two kids below 6, Indian in - laws, a husband and a medical career with no way to afford full time help. I remember having stayed up night after night for years scanning pages and researching and preparing for the next day. The only time I could give to my passion was that after everything was set right for everyone around me.

But it is not that. I know when they say I can’t what they mean is I won’t- “I won’t sacrifice my sleep, I won’t miss the Saturday outings, I won’t miss that weekend afternoon sleep- after all I have earned it, I won’t study anymore… I won’t…”

Just as it is easier for most people to take a tranquilizer, rather than to solve the cause of tension, so it is easier for most to let the opinions of others guide them, rather than to do their own thinking.

They prefer to complain and criticize even the parents who did the best for them rather than take it up and work on their dreams.

Of course, it would require study, research, guidance and efforts but it is not that it can’t be done. To students I say that even if your parents force a graduation on you today, do it as a base degree…you have to do something so why not this? Then finally with a degree in hand and employment ready you will be in a position to make your decisions and stand by them.

There is nothing that can’t be done. We have too many examples of extraordinary successes around us. But to them we like to say, “He is so fortunate- I am really the doomed one.”

Which one are you?

Originally Published on: REACHO.com

असुरक्षिततेचा दोर- Dr. Sapna Sharma-(दैनिक सकाळ- १७ जलै २०१६) Please SHARE if you believe this can help someone

असुरक्षिततेचा दोर- Dr. Sapna Sharma-(दैनिक सकाळ- १७ जलै २०१६)

Please SHARE if you believe this can help someone

एक अतिशय सुंदर गोष्टं वाचनात आली. 

एक गिर्यारोहक पर्वतारोहणासाठी निघाला असतांना एका सुंदर कठड्यावरून त्याचा पाय घसरला. उंची बरीच होती पण त्याच्या पोटाला बांधून असलेल्या दोरामुळे तो मधेच लटकला. अशाच अवस्थेत बराच वेळ निघून गेला पण धुकं आणि थंडी बरीच असल्याने कुणी त्याची हाक ऐकली नाहि. अंधार आणि थंडी जस जशी वाढत गेली तसेच त्याचे नैराश्य हि खोलावले. हळू हळू मेंदू सुन्न होऊ लागला तसा त्याने परमेश्वराचा धावा सुरु केला. मग कुठल्या एका क्षणी त्याच्या मनातून आवाज आला, “तो दोर सोडून दे”… भीतीपोटी त्याने तो दोर आणखीनच घट्ट पकडला. काही काळानंतर परत तसाच आवाज आला. पण एव्हाना त्याला स्वतःवरही शंका होऊ लागली होति. दुसरा दिवस निघाल्यावर जेंव्हा बचाव दल त्याला शोधत तिथे पोहोचले तेंव्हा तो मरण पावला होता. त्यांनी आपल्या अहवालात लिहिले, “मृत्यू चे कारण- अतिशीत(फ्रीझिंग). मृत्यू समयी तो आपला दोर घट्ट पकडून झुलत होता- *जमिनी पासून फक्त सहा फुट वरती!”*

त्याने दोर सोडला असता तर?

पण वस्तुस्थिती हि आहे कि त्याने दोर सोडलाच नाहि. जमीन जवळच होती, सुटकेचा मार्ग होता, उपाय ही सोपाच होता फक्त धुक्यामुळे दिसत नव्हतं. खरं म्हणजे त्याच्याकडे दुसरा उपाय नव्हता. शेवटचा पर्याय म्हणून तरी त्याने “त्या” आतल्या आवाजाकडे लक्ष द्याटला हवे होते. पण जे दिसत नाही त्याची आपल्याला भीती वाटते. आपण भौतिकवादि आणि फक्त डोळ्यावर विश्वास ठेवणारे. अंतरात्मा किंवा तिचा आवाज वगैरे गोष्टी आपल्याला फालतू वाटतात. कारण ती आपल्याला दिसत नाही.

पण जे दिसतं तिथे सगळी उत्तरे नसतात आणि बरीच उत्तरे मनातून आलेली असतात — हे मी म्हणत नाही- आपण सगळ्यांनाच असे अनेक अनुभव आलेले आहेत. कुठल्यातरी घटनेचा निकाल काय लागणार ते मनात कुठेतरी माहीत असतं. कधी कधी नेहमीची बेल वाजली तरी फोन कुणाचा आहे हे आधीच कळतं . अमुक व्यक्ती बरोबर व्यवहार करू नये हे बरेचदा पहिल्या भेटीतच कळतं. हे अनुभाव आपल्या सगळ्यांचेच आहेत. पण भौतिकवादाच्या आपल्यावरील पकडी मुळे तर कधी लोक हसतील ह्या भीतीने “त्या” सुज्ञ आवाजाकडे आपण दुर्लक्ष करतो. आणि कालांतराने आपल्या अंतर्मनातील सर्वज्ञ बुद्धिमत्तेला आपण जुमानायचे नाही हे ठरवतो.

आपले अंतर्मन/ आत्मा ही अमर्यादित, सर्वव्यापी आहे. पण ती भौतिक डोळ्यांनी दिसत नाही. ह्या अंतर्मनाला कशाचीच भीती नाही कारण तिचा मूळ गुणधर्म हा अखंड श्रद्धा आहे. भूत, वर्तमान आणि भविष्यात एकाच वेळी वावरणारी आत्मा सर्वज्ञ आहे आणि म्हणून आपल्याला जे ‘दिसत’ आणि ‘समजत’ नाही त्याची चाहूल आपल्याला अंतर्मन देत असते.

आपल्या लहान लहान भीतीं पोटी आपण मोठे ध्येय साधत नाही. बरेचदा आपण दीर्घ काळ करत असलेले कार्य अर्धवट सोडून देतो कारण भौतिक जग सांगत की ‘हे कठीण आहे’ आणि अंतर्मनाला आपण जुमानत नाही. त्या सहा फुटावर रोखून ठेवलेल्या दोरा सारखेच आपली भीती आपल्याला मोठ्या यशापासून दूर ठेवते. त्याच असुरक्षतेपायी आपण आनंद आणि प्रेमाच्या सुखालाही दुरावतो आहोत.

श्रद्धा गहाळ आहे. भौतिक असुरक्षिततेचा दोर आम्हाला बांधू पहातोय. आणि आम्हीही त्या असुरक्षिततेला घट्ट बिलगून बसलो आहोत. आपले खरे समभाव्य शोधून काढण्याची आमची हिम्मत नाही. जे दिसते त्यालाच चिकटून बसलोय आणि ह्या असीमित निसर्गाकडे जो आपल्यासाठी असीमित खजिना आहे तो आपल्या पासून थोड्याच अंतरावर असूनही आपण त्याला मुकत आहोत.

दोर सोडायला हवा. श्रद्धा वाढवायला हवी.