GUYS... ARE YOU REALLY MODERN? by Dr.sapna Sharma

Okay, I am not a feminist, but here’s one for the husbands and boyfriends.

DO you GIVE freedom to your partner?

Wait, I have another question - What is the need for you to GIVE her freedom? Is she not free herself?

We confidently claim to be the ‘modern’ generation. Our clothes and language and material choices do scream of modernity but, are we really modern? I mean in our thinking and approach towards life?

So if you are an exception, don’t take this personally.

When you fall for a girl, you have certain parameters in your mind. Interestingly most men wish for a modern woman. You wish for a wife whom you can proudly present to the society, with whom you can talk, who should be very attractive to you, she should be game for your definition of parties, and her attractive dressing sense is an added magnet for you to begin with. Her being educated is of course so very important for you.

Often once this alliance is formalized your vocabulary changes. What she should not wear, whom she should not talk to, how she should take care of the entire household whether she works equal hours as you or not. I often witness guys also telling their partner things like, “why did you laugh so much?” “How can you dance in front of so many?” “Sit down everyone if looking at you” “Why can't you dress up like everyone else?”

Then there are those “ultra modern” ones who believe it is their right to marry a girl of their choice in the modern world, but when their parents discuss dowry and huge expenses with the bride's family they simply back of saying, “I can't hurt my parents!!”

You like to decide what kind of place she should work in, that she should not be casual with her work colleagues, that she should have outings only with your friends, and then when she fights you say, “I GIVE you so much freedom to work and you don’t value that”.

Really? Can you imagine she saying this to you? Obviously not, because deep down the garb of modernity we are still the same. A man is FREE but a woman needs to be GIVEN FREEDOM.

Reality check guys: What is your normal vocabulary:

1. I let her work OR It is her choice whether to work or not

2. I let her follow her passion OR She is very passionate about her hobby

3. Our family gives her full freedom OR In our family, we all have a right to choose

4. I give her permission to be with her friends till late OR She loves to have a great time with her friend.

5. She works but kitchen is her domain OR We share housework too.

No need to share your answers with anyone, but certainly time to think.

Till the time your vocabulary is not free of: I GIVE HER FREEDOM, you are not modernized yet- Look for a partner who can match your thinking and can be the obedient wife you actually need. Believe me, life would be so much simpler.

(Another one would follow for the girls soon)

HAVE STRESS? –SHARE IT!

We all siblings would create some issue or other for our parents to handle. Of course, we didn’t mean it that way. We just thought we were very smart!! To our parents, that would simply spell as Trouble with a capital ‘T’. But my father would often discuss those issues with people around- friends, family, colleagues. Frankly to me it simply meant embarrassment. “Why can’t he keep the family matters to the family?” but he grew stronger every day.

Years later as I sit in my office counselling distressed families and couples and parents, one thing that strikes me is that they all want their troubles and problems to be buried inside my chamber. Often I hear this, “We don’t share our problems with anyone. They would only make fun of my child… anyway my brother in law thinks very high of himself”

 

 No wonder we are stressed and under tremendous pressure to appear good and ideal in every way. We can’t share. As a generation, we are obsessed with creating an ideal pictures of us and our families. A task that is almost next to impossible. We would have flaws till such time that we are still humans. But we do not wish to accept that.

 I meet beautiful looking people, some with wealth overflowing and others with degrees and certificates that cannot be accommodated on one wall. And they are stressed. Almost breaking inside every moment in a desperate attempt to hold their masks of ‘perfection’ in place. They fight among themselves and abuse their challenging children but then they put on their masks with wide smiles to the outside world. We show this photo-shopped picture to not just the random world but to our closest family and friends. We cannot accept that things can be wrong with us.

 We as a generation are expending huge energy on hiding our pain and trying to prove to the world that there is nothing wrong with us. Hence we can’t even ask for solutions. Try sharing for once. Try asking for help. You may not get an immediate solution but the moment you share half your burden is taken care of. You may cry while sharing and that takes care of some more of your stress. And now you have one more head and 2 more hands to help sort out your troubles. If not anything there is one place you can be yourself, not pretend to be perfect and enjoy a genuine smile or tear.

Life would continue to offer challenges, children would fall in love and spouses would cheat. Bosses may be partial and we might be cheated on. But that is life. Why feel ashamed? You are not the only on in this world to face it. Try sharing and you would be better equipped to face it without unnecessary stress of pretending to be perfect.

सकाळ १६- नाती- कर्मसंचय — आणि आध्यात्म Please SHARE if you believe it can help some one

सकाळ १६- नाती- कर्मसंचय — आणि आध्यात्म Please SHARE if you believe it can help some one

“डॉकटर मला घटस्फोट घ्यायचा आहे, पण माझा नवरा माझ्या कर्मामुळे मला मिळाला आहे. सगळे म्हणतात जर ह्या जन्मी मी त्याला सोडले तर पुढच्या जन्मी परत मला कर्म पूर्ण करायला.

त्याच्या सोबतच याव लागेल. त्या पेक्षा आता जसं आहे तसं निभावून घे. पण त्याच्या सोबत राहणं खरंच कठीण आहे. सारखा भांडतो, मारतोही, मुलांच्या समोर अपमान करतो.”

इतक्यात अश्याच ४-५ कहाण्या ऐकण्यात आल्या. वर्षानु वर्ष एक ना अनेक कारणांनी चुकीच्या लग्न संबंधात अडकलेल्या जोडप्याना एकत्र ठेवण्याचे समाजाचे आणखी एक कारण मला आश्यर्यचकित करून गेले. म्हणजे आता लोकांना आध्यात्मा बद्दल जागरूकता येऊ लागल्या मुळे आध्यात्माचाही वापर करायला आपण पुढे मागे पाहात नाही. गम्मतच आहे खरी.

नाती तुटायला नको हे खरं. त्यासाठी पूर्णपणे प्रयत्न करणे हि गरजेचं आहे. पण त्याही नंतर जर एक किंवा दोघे सतत अतिशय दुःखी असतील तर काय करायला हवे? शारीरिक आणि मानसिक प्रताडणेतच जगावे असा अलिखित फर्मान का आहे आपल्या समाजात? आणि त्याला पाठींबा म्हणून आपण अध्यात्म आणि देवाच्या नावाखाली दडपण आणायला आणि भय दाखवायलाही कमी करत नाही!

कर्माचं चक्र आहे. पण ते आपल्या गतीने फिरत आहे. बायकोला मारणारा नवराही कर्म संचय करतोच आहे ना? मग त्याला ह्या पासून वाचवायला त्याच्या पत्नीला त्याच्यापासून दूर जायचा सल्ला कुणी का देत नाही? पत्नीने मार खात तिथेच राहायचं ह्यात कुठलं अध्यात्म आहे?

मनुष्य धर्माचं पहिलं कर्तव्य- मिळालेलं आयुष्य प्रेम, आनंद आणि आंतरिक शातंतेत व्यतीत करावं. त्याच वेळी कुणाला आपल्यामुळे त्रास होऊ नये हे जितकं महत्वाचं आहे तितकंच हे हि महत्वाचं आहे कि परमात्म्याचे देणे असलेल्या आपल्या ह्या शरीराला आणि मनालाहि विनाकारण इजा होऊ नये. तसे झाल्यास तो हि निर्मात्याचा अपमानच आहे.

कर्माचं चक्र चालताच राहणार. ते आपल्या हातात नाही .कशाचा कसा हिशेब होणार आहे ते समजण्याची आमची पातळी नाही. आपले लक्ष प्रेम, आनंद आणि आंतरिक शांततेकडे केंद्रित असायला हवे. कुणाला इजा करू नये, पण विनाकारण इजा करून हि घेऊ नये.

नाती आपल्या आत्म्याच्या प्रगतीसाठी असतात. त्या प्रगतीला मदत होईल असे लोक आपल्या आयुष्यात येतात. प्रेम आणि शांतता कायम ठेवण्याचा प्रयत्न प्रत्येकाने करावा. पण जिथे दोघेही बदलायला आणि एकमेकांची काळजी घ्यायला तयार नसतील तिथे त्या दुःखातून मिळालेले धडे जमा करावे आणि त्यासाठी त्या व्यक्तीला आणि परमेश्वराला धन्यवाद देऊन आयुष्यात पुढे जावे.

अध्यात्मा मध्ये शिक्षा, सूड, अश्या नकारात्मक भावनांना जागा नाही. कर्माचे चक्र हि आत्म्याच्या प्रगती साठीच. जीवन सुंदर आणि सकारात्मकरित्या जगायला अध्यात्मिक संकल्पना समजायला हवी. कधी कधी नाती जुळतात पण जमत नाही. पण नातं जोडलं म्हणून अगदी रोज भांडून, छळ सहन करूनही ते नातं निभवायचंच असं कुठल्या ग्रंथात म्हंटले आहे? एक मेकांना सांभाळुन जगायचा प्रयत्न करावा. पण प्रयत्ना अंतीही ते शक्य नसेल तर एक मेकांना प्रेमाने आशीर्वाद देऊन, आयुष्यात मिळालेल्या अमूल्य शिकवणी साठी नतमस्तक होऊन, पुढची वाट शोधावी.

TOUGH LOVE Article by Dr.Sapna Sharma

All parents love their children, but does our love help them prepare for a healthy and confident survival in the real world OR Does it only give us a satisfaction that we did everything best for them? Sometimes both the things might mean the same but not every time. Consider the following example:

When the child habitually throws his uniform around and is never able to find his things at the proper place and on time- After repeated warnings and guidance, continued intervention by the parent to arrange his things and ensure a clean uniform for him is a self-indulgent form of love which is further making the child careless, dependent and irresponsible and in turn taking him one step further from responsible independent living. Tough love in this case would either set and follow strict rules, or let the child go about in dirty uniform, missing school box or incomplete notebooks and letting him face the consequences thus learning the very important lesson of “Cause-Effect Relationship” that would go a long way in life.

We get many such opportunities to help the children learn the importance of essential survival practices like self- discipline, neatness, responsible behaviour etc.

True love is ‘Tough Love” that lets the child learn early even though it may appear to the parent of being “harsh” or “unloving”.

The primary responsibility of the parent is to help the child learn the ways of the world and the best and healthiest survival practices. Indulging the child with expensive school, branded footwear, expensive gadgets and luxurious trips are not the parameters of love. These are activities that we indulge in to satisfy our need to be able to give the best to the child and manya times even to show to the world what we can provide.

Regular and consistent showering of unconditionallove with a dash of tough love would save us from the use of harsh punishments and would largely prevent the setting of depression, rebellion and disconnection so commonly seen among kids and the youth today.

drsapnasharma.com

SPIRITUAL PARENTING LESSONS FROM OUR CHILDREN

Spiritual Parenting, as the name suggests is about connecting with kids spiritually while helping them grow. An instant connection with Kids.Remember those cute things your little one says? There are the times when they are hilarious and at other times precocious for their age. Many a time they sound disrespectful and uncaring and then they compensate with the cuddles and kisses that weaken us over and over again. Well, Parenting is a challenge and many a times overwhelming. It being our first time, we are burdened with the tasks of disciplining, teaching and providing and thus fail to see the bigger picture, the real purpose of rearing a child- An opportunity to grow spiritually.

For once, before your children grow up, sit back and reflect on this other side of parenting. Think about the innumerable lessons in life that you have got since you became parents. The gibberish that made you wonder so many times, had many a profound meanings, the statements that came as disrespect, were embedded with messages on relationship management . In fact, the acts of defiance in retrospect could have been lessons in managing expectations. These lessons can be easily lost when we are engaged in molding the child to be what we want it to be.

Here asking one right question to our-self can perhaps put things in clearer perspective, “What do we really want FOR our children?” Note that it is FOR them and not FROM them. This verse by kahalil Gibran in ‘The Prophecy’ can perhaps be the guiding light:
“ Your Children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself
They come through you but not from you
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you
…You may give them your love, but not your thoughts
For they have their own thoughts
You may house their bodies, But not their souls
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams”.
This realization in itself is the beginning of a spiritual revelation .

True spiritual books contain a high vibration and when you read and work with them, they propel you into a much higher way of living.The book connects the concepts ofparenting with spirituality and explores a set of diverse ideas of God versus religion, right and wrong, happiness and self-esteem. A chapter on Labels is a unique read that explores the idea of labels through different scenarios.