Brand Craze among Teens

Dealing with the craze of brands among kids is a major worry of many parents.

I received many queries in response to my previous article on the same subject.

Let us consider one fairly common concern, see how many of us can connect

with it and try to see a way around it.

“My worry is that youth around 17-18 years have problems like if you wear

something exclusive then only friends acknowledge you or they get closer to you...

We try to explain, that it is all temporary... Your inner things help you a lot, but ,

difficult for him to swallow it... He got lot of acknowledgement being a sportsperson,

good behaved person and equally higher side bright student (not 90, but we r fine)

in the school... We try to explain.. the same.. but.. still not succeed.. we will keep

trying.... But need more light on it”

Well that is what 17 years of age is. It wants to confirm and be accepted and

applauded. Is it bad? No. It just is. That is the age around which we start to

explore ourselves. Before that the sense of self had not developed much.

Individuality is not always appreciated as our education system is all about

conformity - in uniform dress code and behavioral patterns. Now when they

can move around in casual wear they see a chance to see and exhibit

their individuality. Wanting to be different and the best seems to obvious.

So,,, no, they are not wrong. Most youngsters at that age have not been able

to make their mark so again clothes seem to be an easier way to impress.

But even in cases like the one example above, we need to understand that

we have different facets to our personality and even if we are doing good

in some, that doesn’t take away the need to excel or at least be special in

other ways too.  

Your argument as an adult is also right that “It is what is inside that really

matters”, but please consider their age. Think of ourselves at that age.

Most of us did not have access to money and brands while growing up so

we could not indulge, but didn’t we indulge in whatever way was possible?

We wanted to be special too. We would borrow sarees and shirts from friends

and family to look our best wherever possible. The only difference is that

they are surrounded by options from across the globe on just one click.

If we have expressed our ability to pay for expensive things around

them then they cannot understand why not to indulge in the best.

So firstly, we need to understand that they are just teenagers

and it is not their age to understand philosophy. Then what should be

our approach?

I believe moderation is the way. According to your affordability indulge
them sometimes and refuse the other. Especially if the children are internally
motivated and responsible towards their duty and students, we can definitely
indulge them once in a while. But what if they want it every time?

Children develop the habit of pressurizing and emotionally blackmailing the
parents when they learn that parents always say ‘no’ to everything to begin
with but turn around after they throw some tantrums. Also when there is
a lot of display of money around them they believe that they can and should easily have
what they demand. Here is when the role of parenting comes in.

1. Husband and wife should always decide what they are going to agree on and what not.

Once one parent has said ‘no’ the other should not overrule it.
2. Once you have said a reasonable ‘no’, stick to it.

3. If later you feel that you wish to change your ‘no’ to a ‘yes’ don’t do it immediately.

Wait for an opportunity where the child can be told that as a reward for his hard work in

studies or anything else, they can have the branded ware they were asking for.

4. If there are financial problems in the family, share them with children occasionally.

They need to know. Many parents do not want to share such details with the children

because they don’t want to ‘burden’ them. Eventually when the unsuspecting children

put forth their demands these same parents blame the child for not being understanding.

5. Also get in to the habit of offering genuine praise whenever your children are dressed to

go out, especially when they wear something non- branded but elegant and fitting. Occasionally

when they wear the brand also let them know that they make the brands look better because

of their personality. Of course all this has to be genuine and not obvious or frequent enough for

the child to suspect foul play.

6. Let them know they are unique at every possible occasion.

Remember, children are not ready for philosophy of life. They may actually detest it.
We have to do it their way. Understand that a lot of branded high end stuff is really good.
Our aim is not to stop our children from dreaming of and wanting to be seen in brands only,
the aim is that they can value money and value brands for their quality and not just the
brand logo.

Lets Go...by Dr.Sapna Sharma

We want to be happy and we want to live in peace but we keep holding on to the very things and people that are causing us the pain and hurt. Learning to identify those things that bind us to our pain and letting them go is the spiritual and practical way of living a happy and peaceful life.

Watch this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DksrR1GdYQs

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/let-go-dr-sapna-sharma?trk=pulse_spock-articles

FAILURE: The human side of the story By Dr.Sapna Sharma

FAILURE: The human side of the story

This is funny. We rush and run and then we run some more. We push and shove and shame and defeat. Then there are the lies and the shortcuts that are the snakes in our cupboard. All for that one thing called as “Success”. It is important and hence we are trained for it.

But what is success? Ask this and wait for all the philosophical answers that you can tolerate. Then ask again “What is success?” And keep on asking till you get the one universal definition that rules the world- “ Success is doing better, having better, earning better, vacationing better,spending capacity better than… better than?... better than XYZ…”

I want to stop sometimes, I want to focus on other things that seem to be more important for me- peace, contentment, happiness, companionship, adventure… but it seems that I have been programmed to be in the race and try to be better… they say it is called “SUCCESS”.

And so when I go by this definition of success another definition automatically springs up as a corollary, “If you are not successful – you are a failure” and that is when it hurts. Stand- alone, ‘failure’ may not be so poisonous but it is given to us as an OPPOSITE of success. Thus it becomes a double- edged sword. It hurts further because while the whole system was teaching me how to succeed none ever guided me towards how to deal with failures… for that matter this ‘F’ word was never as much uttered except in utter disgust and contempt. While the parameters of success were being glorified at every stage failure, had no definite destination …it was presumed to be there every time success eluded us.

However, notable fact is that ‘failure’ does not have the same devastating effect on all and some others keep on growing leaps and bounds as if they have never experienced ‘failure’. Well we know they have because none is ever spared of failures. Yet some triumph while others remain ordinary and are often seen sighting their ‘unfortunate’ failures.

Also it can be observed that Adult “failure” is many fold more dangerous and destructive than its juvenile counterpart. Simply because in early life the stakes were mostly material – rank or no rank, prize or no prize, celebration or no… you get the drift…Hence the hurt was mostly short lived. But adult failure is much more beyond what appears- it is not about the promotion, the money the project success or the incentives- it is about the most sensitive parameters of all- SELF ESTEEM.

Now failure is actually a simple phenomenon where one is not able to achieve or perform what one is supposed to or expected to. Examine the statement again. It makes this whole business of ‘failure’ so innocent. But add one small dose of ‘low self- esteem’ to it and the whole thing becomes at once complicated. The difference between the failure of a self- assured person and that of a person with low or negative self- esteem is huge.

*A self -assured person would*:

Ø  Not take the failure personally.

Ø  He would be able to put it in the context of the time and circumstances.

Ø  He would evaluate and be ready for a second try with new strategies and renewed confidence.

Ø  For them the failure is just the other side of the coin of success.

On the other hand a person with low self- esteem would:

Ø  Look at failure as personal sin, it would incite in him the feelings of guilt, shame, anger, revenge etc.

Ø  He would be looking for a scape-goat to put it on.

Ø  He may either try to shy away from the whole project in question or create such an environment that others would take it away from him.

Ø  He would most probably never accept his share of responsibility for the failure and hence the question of learning from the failure and the prospect of analysis and enthusiastic re start is almost negligible.

Ø  He can even be aggressive and spiteful just so to detach attention from the feeling of having failed.

Ø  Such a person often live in stress and is known to shirk responsibilities of change and start up as they are afraid of failure.

Ø  He usually has negative attitude towards anything new or different and would often discourage boss and colleagues from taking it up.

When observed and understood from this perspective it is obvious that:

Ø  Failure is not an absolute phenomenon.

Ø  The responses to failure are of bigger concern than the failure itself.

Ø  Individuals may respond differently to the same failure depending upon their confidence and self-esteem.

Ø  Individuals with low self- esteem can create cascading negativity from even a small or innocent failure.

Ø  Self- confident, self-assured individuals can create failures into learning opportunities and use them for higher performance.

*In Conclusion*:

To ensure minimal damages due to failure of projects and processes and relationships it is important to:

Ø  Work on creating positive and mutually supportive work and home environment.

Ø  Create a custom of ‘TIME OUT’ where in each person compulsorily spends quite time with self minus any gadgets- this encourages introspection.

Ø  Invest in raising the self- esteem of people by regular and result oriented behavioral trainings and counseling services.

Ø  Give opportunities to employees and family members to keep learning and enhancing their personal qualifications and skills in order to boost their self-esteem.

Ø  Encourage Mentorship, Coaching and Counseling.

There is a need to remove the fear and contempt from the work ‘failure’ and accept it as a happening on the way to anything. It is the people who are important and they need to be helped and guided rather than judged and ridiculed. 

*DR. SAPNA SHARMA*

SPIRITUAL PARENTING LESSONS FROM OUR CHILDREN

Spiritual Parenting, as the name suggests is about connecting with kids spiritually while helping them grow. An instant connection with Kids.Remember those cute things your little one says? There are the times when they are hilarious and at other times precocious for their age. Many a time they sound disrespectful and uncaring and then they compensate with the cuddles and kisses that weaken us over and over again. Well, Parenting is a challenge and many a times overwhelming. It being our first time, we are burdened with the tasks of disciplining, teaching and providing and thus fail to see the bigger picture, the real purpose of rearing a child- An opportunity to grow spiritually.

For once, before your children grow up, sit back and reflect on this other side of parenting. Think about the innumerable lessons in life that you have got since you became parents. The gibberish that made you wonder so many times, had many a profound meanings, the statements that came as disrespect, were embedded with messages on relationship management . In fact, the acts of defiance in retrospect could have been lessons in managing expectations. These lessons can be easily lost when we are engaged in molding the child to be what we want it to be.

Here asking one right question to our-self can perhaps put things in clearer perspective, “What do we really want FOR our children?” Note that it is FOR them and not FROM them. This verse by kahalil Gibran in ‘The Prophecy’ can perhaps be the guiding light:
“ Your Children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself
They come through you but not from you
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you
…You may give them your love, but not your thoughts
For they have their own thoughts
You may house their bodies, But not their souls
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams”.
This realization in itself is the beginning of a spiritual revelation .

True spiritual books contain a high vibration and when you read and work with them, they propel you into a much higher way of living.The book connects the concepts ofparenting with spirituality and explores a set of diverse ideas of God versus religion, right and wrong, happiness and self-esteem. A chapter on Labels is a unique read that explores the idea of labels through different scenarios.