GUYS... ARE YOU REALLY MODERN? by Dr.sapna Sharma

Okay, I am not a feminist, but here’s one for the husbands and boyfriends.

DO you GIVE freedom to your partner?

Wait, I have another question - What is the need for you to GIVE her freedom? Is she not free herself?

We confidently claim to be the ‘modern’ generation. Our clothes and language and material choices do scream of modernity but, are we really modern? I mean in our thinking and approach towards life?

So if you are an exception, don’t take this personally.

When you fall for a girl, you have certain parameters in your mind. Interestingly most men wish for a modern woman. You wish for a wife whom you can proudly present to the society, with whom you can talk, who should be very attractive to you, she should be game for your definition of parties, and her attractive dressing sense is an added magnet for you to begin with. Her being educated is of course so very important for you.

Often once this alliance is formalized your vocabulary changes. What she should not wear, whom she should not talk to, how she should take care of the entire household whether she works equal hours as you or not. I often witness guys also telling their partner things like, “why did you laugh so much?” “How can you dance in front of so many?” “Sit down everyone if looking at you” “Why can't you dress up like everyone else?”

Then there are those “ultra modern” ones who believe it is their right to marry a girl of their choice in the modern world, but when their parents discuss dowry and huge expenses with the bride's family they simply back of saying, “I can't hurt my parents!!”

You like to decide what kind of place she should work in, that she should not be casual with her work colleagues, that she should have outings only with your friends, and then when she fights you say, “I GIVE you so much freedom to work and you don’t value that”.

Really? Can you imagine she saying this to you? Obviously not, because deep down the garb of modernity we are still the same. A man is FREE but a woman needs to be GIVEN FREEDOM.

Reality check guys: What is your normal vocabulary:

1. I let her work OR It is her choice whether to work or not

2. I let her follow her passion OR She is very passionate about her hobby

3. Our family gives her full freedom OR In our family, we all have a right to choose

4. I give her permission to be with her friends till late OR She loves to have a great time with her friend.

5. She works but kitchen is her domain OR We share housework too.

No need to share your answers with anyone, but certainly time to think.

Till the time your vocabulary is not free of: I GIVE HER FREEDOM, you are not modernized yet- Look for a partner who can match your thinking and can be the obedient wife you actually need. Believe me, life would be so much simpler.

(Another one would follow for the girls soon)

Appreciation Therapy by Dr.Sapna Sharma

APPRECIATION THERAPY- By Dr. SAPNA SHARMA

Please do SHARE if you believe it can help someone.

Did anyone ever say to you, “You are the best!” or something similar? I can bet that the very thought of that memory, even if it had happened years back, would bring sparkle to your eyes and warmth in your heart.

That is the magic of appreciation. Two words, just two are enough. “Hi beautiful” said even by a stranger makes the day. We know it. We have all experienced it. Doesn’t matter what the praise is about but the feeling is same- simply great. We want to believe every word said in our praise. We know we all crave for this feeling of being praised. Why else do we keep checking back for comments ever few minutes when we post anything on the social media?

We know it. We want it and we use it to encourage people or to impress them in formal settings. And yet we are so stingy when it comes to giving out praises to our friends and family. In fact we find every reason not to do it.

When I was growing up the adult Buzz- word was: “Don’t praise the children or you will spoil them!!”  And boy! Did they follow it to the hilt!! I grew up believing there was nothing good about me. And trust me- that hurts!!

You know it of course. And yet it is so difficult to appreciate those who are really dependent on us for their dose of praise! Interestingly most of us find it rather awkward to say good things to people close to us. Things like ‘I love you’, ‘you are so handsome’,  ‘you are the best child a parent could have’ and more find place only in a very few households. Rest of us believe that such things are not be expressed only experienced especially by the close ones.

If that is so then why do we express our anger and our disapproval so often and in so many words too? We can even justify some of our physical and mental violence under the pretext of “they deserve it”. What surprises me is that those bad words said with real rage, that hysterical shouting, those emotional neglects…all those really bad things we do so very easily and so frequently but are so very shy even to tell our spouse simple words like, “I love you, you are the best.”

There is magic in appreciation. We expect great relationships, loyal partners and obedient loving children. We get them things that money can buy and spend our days and nights to earn for that, but we do not make efforts to consciously think what wonders a few words can do. Often I meet people who make no efforts to say those few inexpensive words even when their partners tell them so directly and beg them to do so. They brush it away with, “these are all so cheap, superficial things”. Parents reprimand their children for not being confident, bosses chastise employees, but find it so difficult to engage in systematic appreciation routine to raise their self-esteem. And then if your need  appreciation, how are they different from you?

All it needs is a desire to genuinely see your loved ones happy and confident. It is easy, most inexpensive way to relationships of love, harmony and loyalty. Do try it!

Dr. Sapna Sharma

Spiritual Counselor, Life Coach, Author & Speaker