Appreciation Therapy by Dr.Sapna Sharma

APPRECIATION THERAPY- By Dr. SAPNA SHARMA

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Did anyone ever say to you, “You are the best!” or something similar? I can bet that the very thought of that memory, even if it had happened years back, would bring sparkle to your eyes and warmth in your heart.

That is the magic of appreciation. Two words, just two are enough. “Hi beautiful” said even by a stranger makes the day. We know it. We have all experienced it. Doesn’t matter what the praise is about but the feeling is same- simply great. We want to believe every word said in our praise. We know we all crave for this feeling of being praised. Why else do we keep checking back for comments ever few minutes when we post anything on the social media?

We know it. We want it and we use it to encourage people or to impress them in formal settings. And yet we are so stingy when it comes to giving out praises to our friends and family. In fact we find every reason not to do it.

When I was growing up the adult Buzz- word was: “Don’t praise the children or you will spoil them!!”  And boy! Did they follow it to the hilt!! I grew up believing there was nothing good about me. And trust me- that hurts!!

You know it of course. And yet it is so difficult to appreciate those who are really dependent on us for their dose of praise! Interestingly most of us find it rather awkward to say good things to people close to us. Things like ‘I love you’, ‘you are so handsome’,  ‘you are the best child a parent could have’ and more find place only in a very few households. Rest of us believe that such things are not be expressed only experienced especially by the close ones.

If that is so then why do we express our anger and our disapproval so often and in so many words too? We can even justify some of our physical and mental violence under the pretext of “they deserve it”. What surprises me is that those bad words said with real rage, that hysterical shouting, those emotional neglects…all those really bad things we do so very easily and so frequently but are so very shy even to tell our spouse simple words like, “I love you, you are the best.”

There is magic in appreciation. We expect great relationships, loyal partners and obedient loving children. We get them things that money can buy and spend our days and nights to earn for that, but we do not make efforts to consciously think what wonders a few words can do. Often I meet people who make no efforts to say those few inexpensive words even when their partners tell them so directly and beg them to do so. They brush it away with, “these are all so cheap, superficial things”. Parents reprimand their children for not being confident, bosses chastise employees, but find it so difficult to engage in systematic appreciation routine to raise their self-esteem. And then if your need  appreciation, how are they different from you?

All it needs is a desire to genuinely see your loved ones happy and confident. It is easy, most inexpensive way to relationships of love, harmony and loyalty. Do try it!

Dr. Sapna Sharma

Spiritual Counselor, Life Coach, Author & Speaker

TOUGH LOVE Article by Dr.Sapna Sharma

All parents love their children, but does our love help them prepare for a healthy and confident survival in the real world OR Does it only give us a satisfaction that we did everything best for them? Sometimes both the things might mean the same but not every time. Consider the following example:

When the child habitually throws his uniform around and is never able to find his things at the proper place and on time- After repeated warnings and guidance, continued intervention by the parent to arrange his things and ensure a clean uniform for him is a self-indulgent form of love which is further making the child careless, dependent and irresponsible and in turn taking him one step further from responsible independent living. Tough love in this case would either set and follow strict rules, or let the child go about in dirty uniform, missing school box or incomplete notebooks and letting him face the consequences thus learning the very important lesson of “Cause-Effect Relationship” that would go a long way in life.

We get many such opportunities to help the children learn the importance of essential survival practices like self- discipline, neatness, responsible behaviour etc.

True love is ‘Tough Love” that lets the child learn early even though it may appear to the parent of being “harsh” or “unloving”.

The primary responsibility of the parent is to help the child learn the ways of the world and the best and healthiest survival practices. Indulging the child with expensive school, branded footwear, expensive gadgets and luxurious trips are not the parameters of love. These are activities that we indulge in to satisfy our need to be able to give the best to the child and manya times even to show to the world what we can provide.

Regular and consistent showering of unconditionallove with a dash of tough love would save us from the use of harsh punishments and would largely prevent the setting of depression, rebellion and disconnection so commonly seen among kids and the youth today.

drsapnasharma.com