Sex, one of the important ingredients of adult love relationship, is one of the least talked about aspect of love. Taboos, social restrictions, personal awkwardness, gender based prejudices and ignorance- one or more of these are the often-sighted reasons. However, interestingly, many people who regularly indulge in sexual activities also are not comfortable in talking about it.
Of course these are personal choices, but in a committed relationship like marriage or live-in when the couple is not comfortable in talking about this important ingredient of love, there are often major dissatisfaction observed in their relationships.
In conservative societies Sex is a taboo subject and to circumvent the problems arising out of it, the whole need to talk is buried under the cute pretext of “Our culture does not permit it”. That may have had its relevance a decade back but today, when sex is no longer a closet issue of the married, not talking about it is increasingly creating many other problems in the relationships.
About 2 decade back sex was majorly a male interest and what ever they understood or did was considered to be the normal. However today the women have started exploring their sexuality and are very vocal about their needs and satisfaction. It is observed that under these circumstances many women are reaching out to relationship counselors and sexologists about non- performance or disinterest of their spouses or boyfriends in sex, an aspect that was totally kept under wraps just a few years ago.
It is important to understand that with most people exploring sex before marriage it is no longer a hush-hush thing. Rather, in the absence of proper knowledge and understanding many couples are deprived of the beauty of mutually satisfying sex.
In my counseling practice I come across many couples that approach for some issues in the relationship. When I ask about the sex and intimacy almost all of them have one or the other issue in this area. Mostly, one of them has either not been interested in sex since the beginning or they have lost interest very soon into the marriage. The other partner has been forced to accept it as they have found it more difficult to talk about it among themselves or to an expert.
Most of these couples have never talked about each other’s preferences, likes, dislikes etc. regarding sex. They have had sex, they have borne children but the awkwardness about talking has always been there.
I believe it is high time that we need to start talking about this very important aspect of our life. Sex with a willing partner with love and romance can be the ultimate of pleasures provided, both are able to participate with confidence and desire. This can happen only when it is openly talked about between the couple. As a society and parents we need to start talking with our children at the right time, and at least before they are married off. This is our responsibility. Both genders need to understand the difference between the male and female sexuality, needs and responses in order to experience the beauty.
If not comfortable, do not hesitate to approach a counselor or sexologist.
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