Fear of Being Disliked

 I remember all of those times while growing up when I had felt this pit in my stomach with the dreaded feeling, “No one likes me, there must be something really wrong with me”, and then the sadness engulfing me. That had been a feel for a very-very long time.

Well, I don’t feel that way anymore. In fact it doesn’t matter what others might think or feel about me. Is that really possible? I remember asking this question to myself every time I read a self help book back then. It all seemed like a cliché pep talk coming from people who are naturally blessed with popularity. ? I am sure many of you would agree to that.

But then things changed and here I am genuinely knowing that I am wonderful as I am. Of course that did not happen overnight. It took time and it took a lot of tough thinking, self awareness and acceptance. Majorly it took a lot of time with myself and a lot of love for myself. 

That is what it is! Till the time I did not genuinely know myself, I of course did not like myself, I mean the most things about me at least. What was more damaging was that since I did not care about my own opinion, my entire focus was on the opinion of others about me. I don’t say that others did not like me, because for most part there is no way to find out what others genuinely think about us. 

I have something very interesting to share with you. While we are deeply concerned what others might be thinking about us, the others are also engaged in the same pursuit. After all who are these others? Think about it. If everyone else is ‘others’ for us, for them ‘we’ are the ‘others’. Can you see the game we play yet? We are all in the same boat but continuously ignoring the fact that all are in the same boat heading in the same direction and facing the same storm!!

And the more I understood this the more I realized that people do not really care about us or anyone else. I mean everyone has their own things to sort out. Why do we think that we are so important that they would be all the time thinking about us? 

With that cleared out of the way, I shifted my focus inwards. The questions I asked myself were- “Okay so… if no one has a genuine opinion about me, who am I really? And what are my traits? And what is really important for me?” You get it right? And here started the journey of becoming my own best friend.

Soon I found out I had lots of wonderful things about me. Even if others did not appreciate or acknowledge, I still am a wonderful person. And it was such a lovely feeling.  Of course there were things that I did not like about myself but interestingly they were not the ones I was imagining others were not liking about me. They were the things I wished to change. With that clarity when I looked at myself, I also knew that if I worked on it I could better most of that which I wanted to be better at.

Of course it took time. I also had to take help of my counselor colleagues to help me discover myself, to be gentle on myself, to differentiate between what was obviously some random person's opinion and my real observations. And slowly but eventually I could see the light at the end of the dark tunnel of the fear of others not liking me.

It works. It genuinely does. Please try it friends. And if you need any help on the way feel free to get in touch with me. But most of all keep patience. Believe in yourself and believe that the creator does not create defective pieces. There is always something amazing about all of us.

If you believe this can help someone, do share. To connect with Dr. Sapna Sharma for Personal Counseling WhatsApp on 8446229088 from wherever you are in the world.