Sexual incompatibility & the youth

With rapid changes in the society, expectations and definitions of ‘normal’ are also changing fast. Complaining about sex related issues has majorly been a male territory in the Indian society, however more and more women are seen talking about their sexual dissatisfaction and expectations. Also, Both men and women seem to be more aware of their physical needs and are more comfortable in expressing it. This also means that relationships and marriages are also breaking on the grounds of persistent sexual dissatisfaction of either of the partners.

We now need to start looking at marriage with a new set of eyes. In most arranged marriages there is a lot of awkwardness and social reservation that stops potential couples from discussing this important aspect of a marriage. Even today most parents would not be happy if their son or daughter wishes to discuss individual sexual orientation and inhibitions if any with their potential partners.

But the times have changed. Can we open our eyes and see? In earlier times marriage was a non-negotiable union. Whatever may be the incompatibility, the couple was supposed to make do with it. Also, then sex was supposed to be a predominantly male forte. The women were not even supposed to have desires and the aim of physical reunion was for the satisfaction of the man and for procreation. So even if the woman was not satisfied, there was no way she could have expressed it. Thus the issues would remain buried under the garb of an ideal marriage.

We need to understand that women are no longer tolerating anything less than total satisfaction with their man in every aspect of coupledom. Also, since women of today are liberated and financially self-sufficient, they have no reason to settle for anything less especially when it comes to physical, mental and emotional satisfaction.

We need to encourage our marriageable children that when they discuss potential marriage and talk about each other’s income, parents, job, friends and lifestyle, they need to have an open discussion about each other’s sexual orientation, understanding and expectations. Especially in India where arranged marriages are still prevalent and openness and free meetings are not always feasible. 

I have come across couples in relationships where one of the partners is consistently resisting physical intimacy on some pretext or the other. The youth needs to understand that if they are planning to get married it is important to establish the truth about the reason behind avoiding sex and intimacy. Marriage is a life-time commitment and each person needs to think that “if their partner is not interested in intimacy would they be okay with it for the rest of their life?” 

These are practical questions and need to be considered seriously at least when considering marriage.

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