असुरक्षिततेचा दोर- Dr. Sapna Sharma-(दैनिक सकाळ- १७ जलै २०१६) Please SHARE if you believe this can help someone

असुरक्षिततेचा दोर- Dr. Sapna Sharma-(दैनिक सकाळ- १७ जलै २०१६)

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एक अतिशय सुंदर गोष्टं वाचनात आली. 

एक गिर्यारोहक पर्वतारोहणासाठी निघाला असतांना एका सुंदर कठड्यावरून त्याचा पाय घसरला. उंची बरीच होती पण त्याच्या पोटाला बांधून असलेल्या दोरामुळे तो मधेच लटकला. अशाच अवस्थेत बराच वेळ निघून गेला पण धुकं आणि थंडी बरीच असल्याने कुणी त्याची हाक ऐकली नाहि. अंधार आणि थंडी जस जशी वाढत गेली तसेच त्याचे नैराश्य हि खोलावले. हळू हळू मेंदू सुन्न होऊ लागला तसा त्याने परमेश्वराचा धावा सुरु केला. मग कुठल्या एका क्षणी त्याच्या मनातून आवाज आला, “तो दोर सोडून दे”… भीतीपोटी त्याने तो दोर आणखीनच घट्ट पकडला. काही काळानंतर परत तसाच आवाज आला. पण एव्हाना त्याला स्वतःवरही शंका होऊ लागली होति. दुसरा दिवस निघाल्यावर जेंव्हा बचाव दल त्याला शोधत तिथे पोहोचले तेंव्हा तो मरण पावला होता. त्यांनी आपल्या अहवालात लिहिले, “मृत्यू चे कारण- अतिशीत(फ्रीझिंग). मृत्यू समयी तो आपला दोर घट्ट पकडून झुलत होता- *जमिनी पासून फक्त सहा फुट वरती!”*

त्याने दोर सोडला असता तर?

पण वस्तुस्थिती हि आहे कि त्याने दोर सोडलाच नाहि. जमीन जवळच होती, सुटकेचा मार्ग होता, उपाय ही सोपाच होता फक्त धुक्यामुळे दिसत नव्हतं. खरं म्हणजे त्याच्याकडे दुसरा उपाय नव्हता. शेवटचा पर्याय म्हणून तरी त्याने “त्या” आतल्या आवाजाकडे लक्ष द्याटला हवे होते. पण जे दिसत नाही त्याची आपल्याला भीती वाटते. आपण भौतिकवादि आणि फक्त डोळ्यावर विश्वास ठेवणारे. अंतरात्मा किंवा तिचा आवाज वगैरे गोष्टी आपल्याला फालतू वाटतात. कारण ती आपल्याला दिसत नाही.

पण जे दिसतं तिथे सगळी उत्तरे नसतात आणि बरीच उत्तरे मनातून आलेली असतात — हे मी म्हणत नाही- आपण सगळ्यांनाच असे अनेक अनुभव आलेले आहेत. कुठल्यातरी घटनेचा निकाल काय लागणार ते मनात कुठेतरी माहीत असतं. कधी कधी नेहमीची बेल वाजली तरी फोन कुणाचा आहे हे आधीच कळतं . अमुक व्यक्ती बरोबर व्यवहार करू नये हे बरेचदा पहिल्या भेटीतच कळतं. हे अनुभाव आपल्या सगळ्यांचेच आहेत. पण भौतिकवादाच्या आपल्यावरील पकडी मुळे तर कधी लोक हसतील ह्या भीतीने “त्या” सुज्ञ आवाजाकडे आपण दुर्लक्ष करतो. आणि कालांतराने आपल्या अंतर्मनातील सर्वज्ञ बुद्धिमत्तेला आपण जुमानायचे नाही हे ठरवतो.

आपले अंतर्मन/ आत्मा ही अमर्यादित, सर्वव्यापी आहे. पण ती भौतिक डोळ्यांनी दिसत नाही. ह्या अंतर्मनाला कशाचीच भीती नाही कारण तिचा मूळ गुणधर्म हा अखंड श्रद्धा आहे. भूत, वर्तमान आणि भविष्यात एकाच वेळी वावरणारी आत्मा सर्वज्ञ आहे आणि म्हणून आपल्याला जे ‘दिसत’ आणि ‘समजत’ नाही त्याची चाहूल आपल्याला अंतर्मन देत असते.

आपल्या लहान लहान भीतीं पोटी आपण मोठे ध्येय साधत नाही. बरेचदा आपण दीर्घ काळ करत असलेले कार्य अर्धवट सोडून देतो कारण भौतिक जग सांगत की ‘हे कठीण आहे’ आणि अंतर्मनाला आपण जुमानत नाही. त्या सहा फुटावर रोखून ठेवलेल्या दोरा सारखेच आपली भीती आपल्याला मोठ्या यशापासून दूर ठेवते. त्याच असुरक्षतेपायी आपण आनंद आणि प्रेमाच्या सुखालाही दुरावतो आहोत.

श्रद्धा गहाळ आहे. भौतिक असुरक्षिततेचा दोर आम्हाला बांधू पहातोय. आणि आम्हीही त्या असुरक्षिततेला घट्ट बिलगून बसलो आहोत. आपले खरे समभाव्य शोधून काढण्याची आमची हिम्मत नाही. जे दिसते त्यालाच चिकटून बसलोय आणि ह्या असीमित निसर्गाकडे जो आपल्यासाठी असीमित खजिना आहे तो आपल्या पासून थोड्याच अंतरावर असूनही आपण त्याला मुकत आहोत.

दोर सोडायला हवा. श्रद्धा वाढवायला हवी.

COMPATIBLE LOVE Article By Dr.Sapna Sharma

 Everyday in my counseling practice I meet youngsters headed towards separation or divorce. The number is increasing at an alarming rate! And yet generation after generation we keep our focus on that feeling of ‘flutter’ created by someone in our heart- call it love and believe that this one would be the “ever- after” one.

 Falling in love is great but do we really understand what love is? It is a feeling agreed but certainly it is not the one that creates the flutter in our heart and brings out all our mushiness. That, friends is attraction. Love starts after that flutter is settled. Love starts when we get to know each other and would last if we can still feel a lot of attraction mixed with respect and a desire to see that person happy.

 Practically it is not possible to know anyone fully in the initial days of our interaction. Both of us would be at our best during the courtship period. The meetings are less and spread out and driven by a powerful force of attraction. We see only the best in them.

 With the passage of time, we do start seeing things that we are not comfortable with, but the flutter overcomes it. In many cases, more unacceptable traits come to fore. By this time both are over the fear of losing the other person and hence insist on proving that we are right. Then the clear signs of incompatibility start showing up.

 Unfortunately, by then we have launched our entire array of survival emotions- “ego, self- esteem, desire to prove our decisions right, fear of shame by friends and more” on to this one relationship. And that is when we can see but loose the vision of the future.

 I see people willing to risk entire life fighting the ‘cat and dog’ fight with an obvious incompatible partner and not willing to risk the ridicule of friends or face the fear of coming out of the comfort zone of being with a particular person- even though being with that person is an everyday hell.

We need to become aware. We need to talk to our youngsters too. We need to talk that love does not guarantee compatibility or understanding or mutual respect. Those things need to be developed and if it still doesn’t work, it is ok to let go of a relationship before you get into a marriage. It would hurt for some time, but know that all the people we like do not have to be like us. For a long lasting happy relationship, we need to look for someone more compatible- flutter or no flutter.

Falling in love is great and it is easy too. It is remaining in love and living in love that is challenging.

**Originally published in ReportHer (Mumbai) 13 June '16 edition

https://medium.com/@sapnasharma/compatible-love-3cd59fe5aef7#.7aih48tfp

CAREER & LIFE PLANNING- Part VII

Why Time table don't work? Why do some people achieve more and some achieve less? 

what is missing in our attitude towards achievement? 

How to make workable time- tables? How to prioritize? 

Work with Dr. Sapna Sharma towards effective study planning..

CAREER & LIFE PLANNING- Part VII

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-Ch97YR-Mg 

 

कर्म आणि फळ Article by Dr.Sapna Sharma

*कर्म आणि फळ*

(दैैनिक सकाळ- ३ जुलै) 

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लहानपणा पासून भगवद्गीता म्हणजे "कर्म किये जा फल कि चिंता मत कर" हेच वाक्य आठवायचं. सुरवातीला फक्त सिनेमात ऐकलेलं वाक्य म्हणून आणि नंतर काहीतरी आपल्याला खूप मोठ कळतंय हे स्वतःला आणि दुसर्यांना दाखवायला.

थोडी अजून मोठी झाल्यानंतर आणि स्पर्धात्मक जगात शिरल्यावर हे वाक्य काहीसं गमतीदार वाटायला लागलं. "काहीतरीच काय? इतकी मेहनत केल्यावर काय मिळणार ह्याचा विचार नाही केला तर मेहनतीतील सगळा उत्साहच संपेल.… कशाला करायची सगळी मरमर… पडून रहाउया कि आरामात … सगळेच पडले राहतील…" असे विचार मनात पिंगा धरायला लागले.

त्याच वेळी हिम्मत करून भगवद्गीता वाचूनही काढली. काय कळले कुणास ठाऊक पण वाटल "हे सगळं बोलायला बर आहे पण गीतेचा खर्या जगाशी काही नातं नाहि. कुठल्यातरी काळात कुणीतरी लिहिलेला एक ग्रंथ आजच्या वेगवान जगात अगदीच निरर्थक आहे."

काही काळ आणखी लोटला. मी आजच्या जगात स्वतःची जागा बनवू पहात होते. सतत धावपळ, ओढ- ताण… विश्रांतीला वेळ नाही, आणि दमल्यानंतरही विचारांना थांबायची परवानगी नाहि. हे करायचं, ते आटोपायचंय, अमुक राहून गेलंय, तमुक विसरूनच गेले, आज हा नाराज तर नाही ना? त्यांच्यासाठी सगळ व्यवस्थित केल ना मी? काही राहायल तर? तो काय म्हणेल? अमुक काम झालच नाही तर? मुलं व्यवस्थित मोठी होतील ना? … एक ना अनेक. गीतेचा विचारही करायला मग वेळ नव्हता. सतत काळजी, सतत टेन्शन, सतत कसली तरी भीती, सतत कसली तरी हुरहुर… पण आयुष्यात काहीतरी कर्तबगारी करायची तर असच तर असावं लागतं ना?

नाही!!

मी माणूस आहे देव नाही ह्याची प्रचीती लवकरच येऊ लागलि. सततच्या शारीरिक आणि मानसिक ताणाचा परिणाम यथेच्च झाला. आधी चिडचिड वाढली, मग कार्यक्षमता कमी झाली, कामात आणि व्यवहारात मागे पडायला लागले म्हनून आणखीनच चिडचिड आणि काळजी वाढली… नाती दुरावयाला लागली आणि सगळच जणू कोसळलं. मग उदासीनता आणि शेवटी खिन्नता. सगळ्यात मजेदार म्हणजे त्या वेळेचे विचार काहीसे असे, "काय ठेवलय ह्या सगळ्या भानगडीत? मला काहीच करायचं नाही!"

आणि मग थांबावच लागलं, विचारांची दिशा हि बदलावी लागलि. कारण पुढे काहीच दिसत नसतांना जगण्याची इच्छाच जणू संपली. थोडा काल खिन्नतेत गेल्यावर जाणवल कि, 'किती जगायचं ते माझ्या हातात नाहि. आणि कुठल्यातरी लक्ष्या शिवाय एकही दिवस जगणे कठीण होते. पण लक्ष्य शोधलं तर परत तेच आयुष्य?? "कर्म किये जा फळ कि चिंता मत कर"… कसं शक्य आहे? '

आणि मग लक्ख प्रकाश पडला "कर्म किये जा और फळ कि इच्छा मत कर" असं कुठे म्हंटल आहे? फक्त चिंता मत कर!!! म्हणजे कर्म हि कर, लक्ष्य हि ठेव आपल्या समोर पण ते लक्ष्य पूर्ण होईल कि नाही हि चिंता नको करुस… कारण पूर्ण विश्वासाने आणि समर्पण भावनेने केलेले कुठलेही सद्कार्या सफलच होणार. पण आपल्यात श्रद्धेची कमी आहे- आपल्या पेक्षा ताकतवर शक्तिवर आणि स्वतःवरहि. आपला सगळा त्रास ह्या अविश्वासू वृत्ती पासूनच जन्म घेतो. आविश्वासात आपण चुका करतो, लोकांना दुखावतो, त्यांच्यावर वर्चस्व गाजवतो, स्वार्थी निर्णय घेतो आणि भीतीपोटी सुख- आनंद घालवतो.

कार्य कराल तर काही तरी फळ मिळेलच. कधी मनाजोगं, तर कधी त्याहूनही अधिक, त्याहूनही सुन्दर. कधी वाटेल थोड कमी मिळालं पण श्रद्धेने स्वीकारून परत पुढचं पाउल त्याच विश्वासाने हसत खेळत उचलायला कुणाची मनाई आहे का? पुढे नवीन लक्ष्य आणि नवीन उत्साह!

आता मी मुद्दामून कुणासाठी वाईट विचार करत नाही, कामात १०० टक्के गुंतते, नाती जमेल तशी सांभाळते आणि मुलांना माझ्याकडे जे संस्कार आहेत ते देण्याचा प्रयत्न करते. ते काय घेतात ह्याची काळजी करत नाही आणि कोण कसा विचार करेल ह्या भानगडीत पडत नाहि. आयुष्यात प्रत्येक क्षणात नवीन लक्ष्य अनुभवते आणि रात्री सगळं विसरून गाढ झोपते. हे शक्य आहे का? सहजच! फक्त त्यासाठी हवी आंतरिक श्रद्धा!

चिंता सरो- श्रद्धा जागो!!

http://drsapnasharma.com/ 

FAILURE: The human side of the story By Dr.Sapna Sharma

FAILURE: The human side of the story

This is funny. We rush and run and then we run some more. We push and shove and shame and defeat. Then there are the lies and the shortcuts that are the snakes in our cupboard. All for that one thing called as “Success”. It is important and hence we are trained for it.

But what is success? Ask this and wait for all the philosophical answers that you can tolerate. Then ask again “What is success?” And keep on asking till you get the one universal definition that rules the world- “ Success is doing better, having better, earning better, vacationing better,spending capacity better than… better than?... better than XYZ…”

I want to stop sometimes, I want to focus on other things that seem to be more important for me- peace, contentment, happiness, companionship, adventure… but it seems that I have been programmed to be in the race and try to be better… they say it is called “SUCCESS”.

And so when I go by this definition of success another definition automatically springs up as a corollary, “If you are not successful – you are a failure” and that is when it hurts. Stand- alone, ‘failure’ may not be so poisonous but it is given to us as an OPPOSITE of success. Thus it becomes a double- edged sword. It hurts further because while the whole system was teaching me how to succeed none ever guided me towards how to deal with failures… for that matter this ‘F’ word was never as much uttered except in utter disgust and contempt. While the parameters of success were being glorified at every stage failure, had no definite destination …it was presumed to be there every time success eluded us.

However, notable fact is that ‘failure’ does not have the same devastating effect on all and some others keep on growing leaps and bounds as if they have never experienced ‘failure’. Well we know they have because none is ever spared of failures. Yet some triumph while others remain ordinary and are often seen sighting their ‘unfortunate’ failures.

Also it can be observed that Adult “failure” is many fold more dangerous and destructive than its juvenile counterpart. Simply because in early life the stakes were mostly material – rank or no rank, prize or no prize, celebration or no… you get the drift…Hence the hurt was mostly short lived. But adult failure is much more beyond what appears- it is not about the promotion, the money the project success or the incentives- it is about the most sensitive parameters of all- SELF ESTEEM.

Now failure is actually a simple phenomenon where one is not able to achieve or perform what one is supposed to or expected to. Examine the statement again. It makes this whole business of ‘failure’ so innocent. But add one small dose of ‘low self- esteem’ to it and the whole thing becomes at once complicated. The difference between the failure of a self- assured person and that of a person with low or negative self- esteem is huge.

*A self -assured person would*:

Ø  Not take the failure personally.

Ø  He would be able to put it in the context of the time and circumstances.

Ø  He would evaluate and be ready for a second try with new strategies and renewed confidence.

Ø  For them the failure is just the other side of the coin of success.

On the other hand a person with low self- esteem would:

Ø  Look at failure as personal sin, it would incite in him the feelings of guilt, shame, anger, revenge etc.

Ø  He would be looking for a scape-goat to put it on.

Ø  He may either try to shy away from the whole project in question or create such an environment that others would take it away from him.

Ø  He would most probably never accept his share of responsibility for the failure and hence the question of learning from the failure and the prospect of analysis and enthusiastic re start is almost negligible.

Ø  He can even be aggressive and spiteful just so to detach attention from the feeling of having failed.

Ø  Such a person often live in stress and is known to shirk responsibilities of change and start up as they are afraid of failure.

Ø  He usually has negative attitude towards anything new or different and would often discourage boss and colleagues from taking it up.

When observed and understood from this perspective it is obvious that:

Ø  Failure is not an absolute phenomenon.

Ø  The responses to failure are of bigger concern than the failure itself.

Ø  Individuals may respond differently to the same failure depending upon their confidence and self-esteem.

Ø  Individuals with low self- esteem can create cascading negativity from even a small or innocent failure.

Ø  Self- confident, self-assured individuals can create failures into learning opportunities and use them for higher performance.

*In Conclusion*:

To ensure minimal damages due to failure of projects and processes and relationships it is important to:

Ø  Work on creating positive and mutually supportive work and home environment.

Ø  Create a custom of ‘TIME OUT’ where in each person compulsorily spends quite time with self minus any gadgets- this encourages introspection.

Ø  Invest in raising the self- esteem of people by regular and result oriented behavioral trainings and counseling services.

Ø  Give opportunities to employees and family members to keep learning and enhancing their personal qualifications and skills in order to boost their self-esteem.

Ø  Encourage Mentorship, Coaching and Counseling.

There is a need to remove the fear and contempt from the work ‘failure’ and accept it as a happening on the way to anything. It is the people who are important and they need to be helped and guided rather than judged and ridiculed. 

*DR. SAPNA SHARMA*

TIME MANAGEMENT- FOR Entrepreneurs & Leaders

If you have just started as an entrepreneur, chances are you may be struggling with how to manage your time and get maximum output with minimum resources at hand. Managing your time, productivity and resources is the most difficult for an entrepreneur or businessman as he/she has to multi-task and there is no cap to the productivity required to make the venture successful or the business more profitable.

Further, in most cases, the resources are limited and the demands unlimited. Similarly, a leader in an organization faces the same constraints and challenges. Efficient and effective time management becomes key in such a scenario. Let’s look at some tips to manage time for Entrepreneurs and Leaders.

For an entrepreneur or a person in a high position, it is very essential to focus on his/her core strength and invest self in the same. That means for everything else you need to delegate. If you have people with you, you need to start delegating. They may not do things as well as you do but at least they can get the base work done and leave only the finishing part for you. This would certainly save time for you as compared to you doing it all start to finish.

1. Delegate

Delegation in itself is a fine art. To get the best and the maximum from the people here are some ground rules:
a) Identify the right people for the right job.
b) Define exactly what you are looking for.
c) Communicate your requirements clearly using the right media - pen-paper/ computer/ graphics/ demonstrations etc.
d) Give them a clear time frame. Not just the final submission dates but also the review dates so that you don't have a lot of mess if things are not ready by the D-day.
e) Ensure that they have understood what you wanted to convey by asking them questions.
f) Let them know of the resources and other limitations around which they would be working.
g) Create hierarchy so that they do not come to you for every small query but also have some one to go to in case they are stuck.

2. Communicate

Improve your communication skills so that you can delegate in the shortest time.

3. Develop People

Invest some time in developing people so that eventually when your business grows you have the right workforce.

4. Create your To - Do’s

Do what students do during exam time. Create a daily timetable of your to-do's. While writing an exam it is highly recommended that the student reads the question paper, decides which questions he can do best, see the time available and divide the time into the number of questions to be attempted. In this way he can ensure that he doesn't spend extra time on one question he likes at the cost of other questions. Then there is always the extra time at the end to add a few lines to some questions. This ensures more marks because of attempting maximum number of questions.
 Every morning or on the previous night list down your 'things to do'. First decide which of these tasks can be delegated. Then divide your work time into the number and nature of tasks at hand. Always ensure that you leave a couple of hours out of this planning for the eventualities and the emergencies. 

5. Identify Your Mission

Identify your mission very clearly. Write it down and post it on the wall where you can see it regularly. If your mission is to grow your business you would be encouraged to come out of petty work.

 6. Hire an Efficient Secretary

Hire an efficient secretary who can:
a) De-clutter your work station regularly
b) Keep reminding you of your deadlines and commitments
c) Manage distractions at her level
d) De-clutter your calendar

 7. Outsource

If finances permit - try to outsource some work to professional agencies. There are many agencies for many kinds of back end work and not always expensive. But hiring them can help you focus on other things.
 All said, in the beginning we do have to put in lot many hours into our enterprise, but smart work always pays. Always remind yourself that you are building a business for the long run and you wish for it to grow real big. You cannot grow unless you hire people and delegate. 
So invest in people training and development either yourself or with the help of training agencies. Remember, you have the vision of your business. If you get into petty things you would lose your vision. 
For a leader it is important to invest in:
a) Goal setting b) Growth planning c) People management
Finally, if you have not done so already, get a copy of "7 Habits of HighlyEffective People" by Stephen Covey. Read it with a pencil and notebook at hand. It may turn out to be a Bible for you.
Hope you found these tips for managing time for entrepreneurs and leaders useful. To know more, feel free to contact me.